LOVE
What we believe qualifies as a valid expression of love, is largely determined by our earliest experiences of that expression, or indeed the lack of it.
The way in which our parents showed us they cared, either through words or their actions, influences how we communicate to another how we care about them.
If we were raised on a daily verbal expression of love, it may feel jarring to not receive the same verbal reassurances from a partner. And when we continue to verbally express how we care, we might even be met with rebuffing humour, discomfort and avoidance of returning the verbal favour. This can feel like utter rejection to the verbal lover, and so insecurity, followed by emotional withdrawal, followed by conflict can ensue.
On the other hand, the other partner, wholly unused to such free verbal expression of deep emotion having grown up in a practical and unsentimental environment, is left bewildered at what they have done wrong, why their partner always seems dissatisfied, and are exasperated that the way in which they have learned to show love, perhaps through their small daily actions, seems to go entirely under the radar.
We have a right to ask for what we need, but it is possible to shift the entire relationship dynamic and repair ruptures by changing our perspective, by letting go of what we think we know about love, and by attuning to unique love language of the other
